Day #3 of the Gripe

I'm going crazy stuck inside with this gripe. However, I'm getting lots of time for self-reflection! Today, my horoscope revealed that I need to "expand [my] social network, and make connections with influences that will motivate [me] to grow smarter and stronger. Good advice by Rob Brezsny. Last week I was informed via my horoscope that I have too much emotional baggage (about 500 lbs of it in fact) and it's time to rid myself of it, because 500 lbs is too much for a 100 lb-er to be trying to lug around. More great advice. Very well then, since I can't go outside and expand my social network, I'm trying to dispose of all this baggage inside. OK, now for a list of things I like about the DR:

• It's OK to hang out at the beach and swim in your underwear - everyone else is doing it.
• It's also OK to go naked or topless - whichever you choose - no one cares.
• The Most Common Pickup Line: I was having a conversation with God just last week, asking him to send a beautiful, nice, funny, smart girl to be my girlfriend, and he sent you - I can't believe it, I am so lucky that he heard me! (one of my personal favorites)
• Anyone can honk at any time, for as long as they like, and as many times as they like, at anything they like. It's ok, just go ahead and honk. If traffic is at a complete stand still, honk even longer and louder - it helps things to move right along.
• If you have to use the bathroom, just zip down the fly and do it regardless of how many poeple or cars are around. It also doesn't matter how indiscrete - a guy's gotta do what a guy's gotta do, right?
• More Pickup Conversations: Always ask first about a girl's age and whether or not she has kids - then, if she doesn't yet have kids, go ahead and tell her that she needs to have some with you. These items should always come before finding out if she is interested in you or wants kids, and don't bother making small talk such as interests or profession - it's all unspoken yet understood. Also, even if she tells you that she has a boyfriend, tell her that it doesn't matter because you are better than her boyfriend anyway.
• Speedos are absolutely in, Baby! If you choose not to go naked, then wear a sexy speedo. Oh, and the tighter the better. Seriously, why can't we all just wear good old fashioned baggy board shorts?